How To Win Friends And Influence People

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a persons precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. 

Someone rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. By criticizing, we often do not make lasting changes and incur resentment. 

The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned. The person we are going to condemn will probably justify themselves and condemn us in return. 

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. A great man shows his greatness by how he treats little men. Instead of condemning them - let us try and understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. 

The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated it is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger. I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. 

When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend 95% of our time thinking about ourselves. One of the most neglected virtue of our daily lives is appreciation. Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in it. But no on else is. The rest of us are just like you! We are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how they get it. 

The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants: How can I make this person want to do it? Always have the ability to think in terms of other peoples point of view and see things from their angle. 

The expression one wears on ones face is far more important than the clothes one wears on ones back. People who smile tend to manage, teach, and sell more effectively. Force yourself to smile. It isn't what you have or who are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about. There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so. 

Your smile is a messenger of good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. It costs nothing, but creates much. 

Many people fail to make a favorable impression because they don't listen attentively. They have been so concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting - be interested. 

Ask questions that others will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are talking to are 100x more interested in themselves and their wants and problems then they are with you and your problems. 

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. For Roosevelt knew, as all. leaders know, that the royal road to a persons heart is to talk about the things he he or she treasures most. 

Always make the other person feel important. The deepest need in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. You want the approval of others with whom you come into contact with- you want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. Almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure sign to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.