What Do You Radiate To Others?

If you have ever taken the time to reflect on your past experiences, you know what behaviors or ways of being you have that you want to improve. Even with this awareness of your habits, your brain and state of mind affect how you radiate and what kind of vibe you’re sending out.

The basic architecture of the brain ensures that we feel first and think second. The part of the brain where the instinctive “fight” or “flight” signal is first triggered, the amygdala, is situated such that it receives incoming stimuli before the parts of the brain that think things over. The amygdala communicates with the higher brain, and the higher brain can analyze and solve problems and reduce danger.

However, when it boils over, the thinking brain shuts off. At this point, you are not going to be very successful in managing yourself to deal with others. And if you’re dealing with somebody who’s in that state, you’re not going to be able to talk to their higher brain, either. People are being driven by different spect of their brain at different times. So it’s important to be aware of where they are and how resourceful they might be in their current state of mind.

I want to mention the multifaceted brain because we are always shifting back and forth between its different parts. When we’re in conversation with someone else, we want to be able to move from the feeling parts of the brain to the thinking parts so that we can actually talk. That means that we want to reduce the possibility of amygdala hijack, our and theirs. We want to calm this part down. We want to make the other person feel safe, and then we can have a conversation with them.

Instant Processing: What Your Brain Immediately Filters

Gender

Generation (age)

Nationality (ethnicity)

Education level

Emotions

People that are very in tune with seeking to establish rapport with others will learn how to open themselves up to the other person. Instead of being self-concerned, they manage to turn down the inner noise and focus on the other person.

If we want to be good around other people, we need to rewire ourselves so that we don’t let our judgements, opinions, or beliefs, our disonance or uneasiness, take the attention away from the other person.

If we don’t have peace of mind, if we’re not comfortable with ourselves, if we’re feeling the slightest bit insecure or incongruent, guess what happens? The other person begins to feel insecure. They feel like we’re uneasy - so they get uneasy. They get distrustful.

Managing your inner state is important.

Managing Your Inner State

When you look inside your own mind and your own memories now, think of the people whom you consider good company, people that you like being around and who make you feel good.

When I think of the most entertaining people I know, I think of the life-of-the-party types. But they’re not the people who make me feel good. Frankly, they make me feel kind of inadequate. The people who make me feel good are the people who are at peace inside and who seem to genuinely be interested in me and to take care of me.

When you think about the qualities of companionship that attract you, that make you feel safe, make you feel valuable, you get a really good idea about the qualities that you want to build in yourself.

Making the Other Person Feel Safe Is Key To Creating A Connection

To accomplish this, you must control your own incongruence, nervousness, or feelings of insecurity. That’s not about other people; that’s an inside job.

Some of us, who have an issue with doing this, talk about being shy. When, in fact, it’s the way we’re thinking that makes us shy. That shyness is going to set off an alert in other people’s brains because it’s going to make them very uneasy. Basically, it communicates that we’re so self-involved that we’re not really paying attention. We’re nervous, our eyes are darting around, we’re shifting our weight or fidgeting, you get the picture. These behaviors are not conducive to comfort.

To make someone else comfortable, we have to be comfortable within ourselves. This inside work must be done before we can put someone at ease when interacting with us.

One of the ways you get comfortable is to focus on the other person.